i need a drink and a quick decision

GF#1- "Hey, why does that 7-foot-tall-princess-hair-Latin-looking-royalty have a SILK Robe on over his clothes AT THE CLUB?"
GF#ME-"I dunno, but I had better get to the bottom of it!"

UN-Meet Can. Yes, that was actually his name. I told Can that we should "get outta' there."
I HAD to find out WHY he was wearing a robe.
This was in the middle of my "dating foreigners is okay" phase.
This phase promptly ended after the Frenchmen experiences. Wow, whatta' fuckin' bummer those ALL were.

DEUX-The French "player" with the brightly colored Lamborghini? Yeah, the one that I met in a bajillionaire orgy in the hills one dark night? That called me a "bitch" and a "whore" for being too busy with my studies to jump when he said that he wanted to spend some time together? Ohhh, "time" when your secret girlfriend is at home in the valley with your secret kids?

TROIS-OR, EVEN BETTER, the one with an equally assholey-colored 2-seater sportscar that I accidentally went on Ixtapa holiday with?
The entire trip he asked if I wanted to do "ack-tiv-i-tay" on the childrens' side of the resort.

Archery, trampoline jumping, tightrope lessons, etc... Are ADORABLE couple vacation activities...had I not found out on the way to the airport that you lied about your age BY FOURTEEN YEARS?

"Ack-tiv-i-tays" are also reasonable for people who PACK SNEAKERS FOR A TEN DAY, 110 degree (Fahrenheit) TROPICAL HOLIDAY. My LYING AND OLD French boyfriend informed me that he couldn't have possibly packed any tennis shoes BECAUSE HE "DOESN'T OWN A PAIR, MY DARLING."

"Ack-tiv-i-tays' might also work for people who do NOT converse this way:
FROG: "My darling, do you have anything for acid-reflux? "
ME: Uh, nope. Why would I pack said meds when I do not suffer from such condition?"
FROG: "I dunno, maybe you just have something soft, like an artichoke or something?"
ME; "What the fuck are you talking about?"

To this day-----> I still have ZERO CLUE as to what he was talking about. An artichoke? A soft artichoke for his creepy, lying, old dude, non-sneaker owning guts???
Equal parts HUH??? + YUCK!!!

no love for frogs- jem gf