This is true. All of you assholes in THIS Los Angeles have contributed to the wealth of Excedrin Migraine. I hope you're happy. I should be the spokeswoman for this God-given medication. It's either this, Jim Beam, or Cocaine to make you assholes bearable and since I'm off the sauce and narcotics, DON'T FUCK WITH ME.
WHO are the assholes? You ready??
YOU are. If I get one more Facebook invite to read about '25 Facts About Your Life', or another invite and key in the mail to 'My House', I am going to lose it. Quit it already! I'm tired. I'm burnt out. My ears hurt from your whining over Fiddy in the club. You are actually making my brain bleed. I'm sure of it.
You know the social suicide 'spaces' that have spread over the universe like The Blob? And how most of them ask you to answer "Who I Would Like To Meet"? For me it's more like, "Who I Would Like To Un-Meet". I'll name a few for you...
1. My ex-boyfriend, The Croatian Soccer player who beat me up one day and said "Go clean yourself up". Morbid and depressing? Never. I'm actually able to laugh at it now! Where the fuck did he think he was? A rerun of "The Bold and the Beautiful"?
2. My ex-boyfriend, the Emo Rockstar. Who decided to break up our relationship/non-relationship because he wasn't ready to "be in a relationship". But wanted to anal play with me on Tuesdays and Thursdays and then take me to his parents house for some enchiladas. This is not "Nip/Tuck". (Btw, I hear he's dating a hermaphrodite who doesn't shave "IT'S" legs). Blaachhkk!
3. My ex-boyfriend, the Traveling CEO. This one had a hidden love for hookers. Well, kept it hidden from me. But somehow Los Angeles was able to keep a secret! Haha, go figure. This one actually has a goatee now. I saw it with my own eyes. Is that really coming back? I thought only Tom Green was able to have a goatee. Whatever, both of you are fucking idiots.
4. My ex-sleeping friend, American Psycho. This is when I started slumming and decided that fucking the help would be a great idea. Until he told me "I like fucking you on your period, baby. I imagine my 11 inch cock is making you bleed". Yeah, yeah, I know. T-M-I!!! Well, it was too much information for me to have and I was tired of having it on my brain. So now I have passed it on. Run with it.
5. All of the Rami Atherton's, Michael Bellasario's, and random club promoters that I don't know that think they know me. I just named two of them and I have never met them in the human form. They must be 'Club Angels' because I get many invites and texts from them but have never actually seen one! Could there be such a thing as a 'Club Angel'? I think I will change that to 'Club Reaper'. Because they are tryin' to take my soul. NAN, FUCKERS! Get offa maay!!!
6. Paris Hilton. Just because. She ruins everything. All of the time. She should go to 'That Island' and fuck all the dudes my girlfriend and I passed on. And take her FAS (Fetal Alcohol Syndrome) sister with her.
Ok, great. I have a migraine. What's new.
No love today- Barbie Girlfriend
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