There is No 'I' in 'Threesome'

It seems like everyone is out for a threesome these days. At the club dudes ask on the regular to my best girlfriend and I, "Hey! How long are those legs foot to foot?" GROSS. "What's up, ladies? Wow! You guys are tall! Jesus! How long are your legs?" PUKE. "There's this 'Adult After Party' in the hills. You girls up for it? 'Cause I'm gettin' there." SHUT THE FUCK UP!!

Let's get this straight. Just because girls are close and take showers together and pee in front of each other doesn't mean we want to lick each other's box. We don't want to get double finger banged and then have you switch fingers to our mouths. We don't want to watch you jerk off to us bumping muffs because, on the real, you look like a complete idiot. I will guarantee you that every Girlfriend Team has had THE conversation:

GF #1, "We can make out, but I'm NOT going down on you."
GF #2, "NO! No way! Nuh-Uh. I can't eat your pussy."

And so on and so forth.

I'm not saying that threesomes aren't fun, because they are! Forgive me, you see lately during my threesome adventures, I've been doing all of the work and frankly, I'm exhausted.

First Rule of Threesome:
When you invite someone to join you and your partner, they aren't supposed to do anything but lay there, moan, and orgasm.

Second Rule of Threesome:
I do NOT want to wake up to you spooning me. Turn the fuck over and get in your girl's nook. I am NOT tryin' to deal with static in the morning after a night filled with a whiskeyeightballofcokeinducedthreesome party.

Third Rule of Threesome:
Please don't think this is going to become a routine thing. I'm bizzy and you should be so lucky.

On that note, don't invite me to your frat-boy, JOMB (Jerk Off Memory Bank) fantasy if you're feeling lazy. There is no I in Threesome.


Love-
Disco Barbie Girlfriend